Tu nous a quittés

Par quoi commencer …

Je ne sais même pas. Je tourne dans tous les sens ce post sans y trouver aucun sens.

Tu nous a quittés

Aucun sens car ta disparation me paraît tellement irréelle  …

Tu t’es envolée le 15 novembre au soir, fatiguée par tant d’années de bagarre. Le cancer ne t’a laissé que peu de répit.

Comment accepter ta disparition quand je n’ai déjà pas accepté ton hospitalisation et je ne t’ai pas vu …

C’est là toute la différence avec ma famille présente près de toi lors de ton enterrement aujourd’hui.

Je ne t’ai pas vue rechuter, je ne t’ai pas vue hospitalisée car bébé Samuel était trop fragile. Je n’ai de toi que ta voix qui raisonne : “Bonjour ma Zaza”.

je t'aime tata

C’est tellement irréel de se dire que nos moments sont derrière nous. Bien sûr je le redoutais mais on y croit toujours. On espère un miracle, on prie pour que les médecins annoncent un répit et au final.

Au final que reste t’il ?

Je t’entends déjà me dire : non ne dis pas ça Alex, tu sais je suis partie en paix Dieu m’a donné cette force.

Mais moi je voulais un miracle ! En nièce très égoiste et de mes yeux de terriennes je ne voulais pas que tu partes en paix car je ne voulais pas te voir t’envoler.

Tu nous a quittés

Je regarde le ciel, je vois Noël arriver et j’entends la peine de maman, tes enfants, ton mari et nous, toute ta famille.

On continuera bien sûr mais ce ne sera plus jamais comme avant.

Les réunions de famille me feront un pincement au coeur quand avant elles me procuraient tant de joie et de sécurité.

On n’a pas assez profité, mon Dieu, c’est ça on aurait dû encore plus rire, se dire je t’aime chaque jour, bouffer ces moments et abattre ces kilomètres qui nous séparaient car aujourd’hui la vie t’a arraché à nous.

Alors, au milieu de ce post que j’écris sans aucun recul : Je t’aime.

Je penserai à toi chaque jour en regardant le ciel.

Et je ne te dirai jamais Au revoir car tu es avec moi <3

Aujourd’hui mon corps est en Frane mais ma tête, elle, est en Allemagne

Alexandra

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